Failure is inevitable, but can we fail successfully? Learn about the importance of failure and how you can grow stronger by owning it.
Failure. Even the word evokes uncomfortable feelings. Say it a few times and notice how your body recoils in disgust. None of us want to experience failure, or to be considered failures.
Failure is uncomfortable, disheartening, depressing, embarrassing. It can create a wave of negative feelings that undermine our self-confidence and affect the actions we take in the world.
In extreme cases, failure is traumatic and causes a permanent scar, or catastrophic and takes years to recover from.
But failure is not the end of us. It is the signal we need to learn, adapt and grow.
How to fail badly
How do you deal with failure? What have you done in the past when things didn’t go to plan? If you’re like most people, you may do any one, or a combination of the following:
- Get angry
- Beat yourself up
- Blame others
- Learn nothing
- Change nothing
- Think you’re incapable
- Think it’s permanent
- Give up
These are common responses to failure that we’ve all indulged in before. In part, because no-one has ever taught us that failure is inevitable and perfectly OK.
None of them are ideal, but you could say that we need to fail at failing in order to learn how to fail successfully.
Reframing failure
It’s not a question of if you will fail (because you will), but how you respond when you do fail. Do you throw a tantrum and quit, or do you learn, adapt and try again?
Failure gives you a clear indication that your approach isn’t quite right and if you take a look under the hood you’ll see what changes need to be made to have a better shot on the next run.
Start by looking at failure in a new light, and focus on the positive aspects:
- Universal. Everyone fails. It’s part of the fabric of life
- Momentary. Failure is momentary. And the moment will pass
- Educational. There’s something to learn in every failure. What isn’t working? What changes do you need to make?
- Motivational. A little pain and discomfort is necessary sometimes to light a fire in your belly
- Guiding. Each failure can show you the way and should be used as a stepping stone towards the outcomes you want
If you’re failing at something, then it means at least you’re trying.
How to fail successfully
You’ll never stop failing, but with the right approach your failures will be punctuated with more and greater successes. They’ll also be far less damaging to your self-esteem and sense of worth.
With each failure, make sure you:
- Accept the failure
- Process the feelings and emotions that arise
- Take ownership of the failure and your response to it
- Analyse what happened
- Adjust your approach
- Try again
This simple, yet profound approach, can be used in each area of your life to cultivate a more flexible and resilient mindset. Give it a go and see the change that it makes.
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Featured Image: @zekedrone
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