Mindful parenting is the practice of being fully present with our kids, free from distractions or judgement. It gives us the tools to raise more open, engaged and happy children.
Sounds great on paper, but a clear challenge given the chaos many of us experience in our homes.
Raising kids is hard. It turns our lives upside down in many ways. It introduces demands and responsibilities that we never truly understand, until we’re actually faced with them.
No matter how much you prepare, when you welcome a new-born baby into your home, everything changes.
We need a good mind to help us in those stressful moments. A way of managing the sleepless nights, the tears, and the accidents. A way of adapting to the many and varied interactions between us and our children as they develop and grow.
And most importantly, a way of enjoying parenthood to its fullest.
The goal is not to become perfect parents because that’s an impossible standard to maintain, but to be good enough, and in that space we can be kinder to ourselves and to our children.
What is mindful parenting?
Mindfulness means being awake. It is a state of complete awareness and participation in the present moment.
Mindful parenting is a way of bringing attention, awareness and compassion to parenthood. It is the practice of being fully present with our kids, free from distractions or judgment, and with an open mind.
Through mindfulness we can respond thoughtfully to our child’s behaviors or actions versus simply reacting. We can nurture the relationship and deepen the bond. We can enjoy the highs and be supportive through the lows, because we are there with them in the moment.
Parenting is one of life’s biggest challenges and mindfulness makes it that much smoother.
The skills we demonstrate when parenting mindfully include:
Awareness. We listen intently and use all of our senses to observe the experience as it is. We take in everything, including the sights, sounds, smells, feelings and emotions, between us and our children.
Presence. We are centred and present. When the kids talk, we are listening. When it’s time to play, we are playing. Our minds are not somewhere else every time our presence is needed.
Self-regulation. We create space between stimulus and response. We don’t yell or overreact because we are able to think before we act. Space offers a better alternative.
Non-judgment. We let go of unrealistic expectations and the need to label every emotion or behaviour. We don’t have all the answers, either do our kids. What is, simply is.
Enjoyment. Mindfulness grounds us in the present moment and allows us to enjoy the faces, the conversations, the love and the spontaneity of children. We feel more engaged in what’s going on and relax enough to appreciate the miracle before us.
The benefits of mindful parenting
Mindful parenting has a number of benefits that grow through time and practice. The better we are at it, the greater the difference we can make in our children’s lives.
Research has shown that infusing mindfulness into established parenting programs can strengthen the parent-child relationship. Mindful parenting is also associated with greater adjustment and fewer behavior problems in children and adolescents.
Other benefits of mindful parenting include:
- Reduced stress and anxiety
- Decreased feelings of depression
- Improved parent-child communication
- Less conflict and aggression
- Improved responses to challenging situations
- Greater emotional awareness and control
- More confident parenting
- Happier, more emotionally aware children
- Promotes parental engagement and overall presence
- Creates a healthier atmosphere within the home
How to practice mindful parenting
There’s no doubt that being mindful with kids takes a lot of practice and patience. It is, however, well worth the investment. The earlier in their lives that we can practice mindful parenting, the more good we can do for them.
1. Build your mindfulness practice. Before trying to approach parenting with mindfulness it’s good to build a solid foundation of your own. Practice meditation daily for a month or two and slowly look for other opportunities to be mindful. When you notice positive changes in yourself you can bring them into parenthood more confidently.
2. Pause. When something happens, pause for a moment before reacting.
3. Breath. Take a few deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
4. Observe. Notice what’s happening in front of you. Then, notice what’s happening inside of you. Observe your thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise – without judging them or acting on them.
5. Act. With a clearer and cooler mind, you are able to act in a more appropriate and skilful manner.
In this space that mindfulness creates, between stimulus and response, we are able to find perspective, ask better questions and see better solutions. It’s a simple practice, but quite powerful.
When we become mindful parents, we raise mindful kids. As we demonstrate mindfulness they notice, and they mirror many of our behaviours. If we can be consistent in our approach this will positively influence the culture of the home and their behaviour in the world.
If you’d like to read more about mindful parenting you may enjoy Mindful Parenting by Kristen Race and Everyday Blessings by Myla & Jon Kabat-Zinn.