Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM) is a practice that’s rooted in self-love, empathy, understanding, and kindness. It fosters the innate caring qualities of the mind and helps you to re-connect with your true self.
Many of us have a complicated relationship with ourselves. We beat ourselves up, we knock ourselves down, we ignore our most basic needs and the cries for help from within. We let negative self-talk dominate the conversation and continually project our anxieties onto others.
But who says we need to live in this kind of headspace?
Hatred cannot coexist with love and kindness. It dissipates when supplanted with thoughts of love and compassion.
Dhammapada
Our minds are capable of great things and an abundance of love is one of them. Love, kindness, generosity, positivity and compassion can all dominate the internal conversation if we feed them and allow them to grow.
If a healthy relationship with yourself and with others is something you strive for then loving-kindness meditation is the perfect practice for you to build into your routine.
What is loving-kindness meditation?
Loving-kindness meditation or ‘Metta’ meditation is a practice with one specific purpose: to direct selfless love in towards ourselves and then out towards others. It cultivates a warmer, softer, more generous mind and has far reaching effects on our relationships and the world around us.
‘Metta’ is a Pali word for benevolence, friendship, affection, and kindness. This form of meditation offers a way of uniting and practicing the four qualities of love – friendliness (Metta), appreciation and joy (Mudita), compassion (Karuna), and equanimity (Upekkha).
We are naturally loving, kind and caring beings but those qualities often get displaced by fear, worry, frustration and anger. Our negative emotions starve the positive ones and we forget how compassionate we truly are.
Loving-kindness rekindles our inner warmth by allowing ourselves the time and space to feel positive emotions. The more we take time to love ourselves and the more we enjoy how good that feels, the more easily we are able to share it with the world.
For many people this may feel self-indulgent but self-love is far from it. It’s a necessity for our emotional wellbeing. If we can’t love ourselves fully, then it’s incredibly difficult to love anyone else.
The benefits of loving-kindness meditation
Loving-kindness is a healing practice that allows us to sit with, reflect on and deepen our positive emotions. Time spent in this considerate space not only feels great but has a number of long-lasting benefits.
These include:
- Less self-criticism.
- Lesser self-destructive thoughts.
- More positive emotions.
- Greater control over mood.
- Increased sense of purpose.
- Increased empathy.
- Increased altruism.
The practice continues to gain popularity throughout the world while more evidence emerges to support it’s effectiveness.
Some neuroimaging studies indicated that compassion meditation (CM) and loving-kindness meditation (LKM) regulate the functioning of the limbic system, a brain site that is in charge of processing emotions and empathy. Studies have proved that LKM is equally useful for the clinical population and can be used as a part of extensive cognitive and behavioural retreats (Lutz et al., 2009).
How to practice loving-kindness meditation
There are different ways to practice loving-kindness and different mantras can be used depending on the focus. The same core intention, however, remains consistent – create love, kindness, and compassion.
Here is a simple Metta meditation for you to try:
- Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down.
- Take a few deep, long breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. As you inhale, bring in more oxygen, enlivening the body. And as you exhale, simply let go enjoying the feeling of release.
- You can close your eyes if that’s comfortable for you or maintain a soft gaze, with your eyes partially closed but not focusing on anything in particular.
- Imagine yourself experiencing complete physical and emotional wellness and inner peace. Imagine feeling perfect love for yourself, thanking yourself for all that you are, knowing that you are just right – just as you are.
- Focus on this feeling of inner peace, and imagine that you are breathing out tension and breathing in feelings of love.
- Gently repeat the following positive, reassuring phrases to yourself: May I be happy, May I be safe, May I be healthy, peaceful, and strong. May I be happy, May I be safe, May I be healthy, peaceful, and strong. May I be happy, May I be safe, May I be healthy, peaceful, and strong.
- As you repeat this mantra over and over, notice the feelings, sensations and emotions that flow through you. Bask in the rays of positive energy that come and go for as long as you like. Don’t over-think things, there is nothing right or wrong here.
- After you finish repeating the words, you can end your practice by saying – ‘May I and everyone else be peaceful,’ ‘May I and everyone else be happy,’ ‘May I and everyone else be safe.’
- Take a breath. Slowly open up the eyes, without focusing on anything in particular. When you feel ready, you can return to your normal gaze.
When we practice loving kindness and compassion we are the first ones to profit.
Rumi
As you can see, you don’t have to beat yourself up all the time. You can and should take the time to give and receive love. You are capable of the full spectrum of positive emotions so dip a toe in the water and see how it feels.
Practice this method daily or on alternating days to your other meditations. You’ll improve your relationship with yourself and everyone around you.