Determined to succeed this year? Learn how to stop self-sabotaging and reach your goals in 2024.
New Year. Filled with hope, dreams, and enthusiasm. It’s a fresh start where we all have the opportunity to make some positive changes in our lives and finally reach our goals.
Last year was a wash out, but that doesn’t matter. 2024 is the year… right!?
With all that built up frustration and energy, we leap into action like a Greyhound out of the starting gates. We catch sight of the rabbit and chase after it hell for leather. Now’s the time!
But reality sets in, energy fades and by the end of January we’ve fallen back into old ways. No rabbit in sight.
This may be the story of your life.
What’s going wrong?
Why is it that so few New Year’s resolutions stick? Why is it that most people never reach their goals?
There are many reasons but one of the most insidious is self-sabotage. Many people engage in self-defeating behaviours that make it impossible to succeed.
This often happens when there is:
- Fear. Fear of failure, discomfort, embarrassment, danger, pain, or harm
- Inner conflict. Beliefs, values, goals, and actions that are at odds with each other
- Lack of confidence. Low-self esteem and negative self-talk
- Lack of resilience. Low tolerance for discomfort and change
- Trauma. Damage caused by distressing experiences in ones past
Which results in:
- Confusion and paralysis. Not knowing where to go and what to do
- Low or unrealistic expectations. Setting goals that are too low or too high
- Lack of effort. Trying, but not really
- Making excuses. Not enough time. Not enough money. There are plenty
- Giving up easily… whenever things get uncomfortable
- Destructive habits. Engaging in behaviours that undermine your goals
- Withdrawal. Hiding from the people, places and actions that you need to engage
If any of this is hitting home for you, that’s a good thing. Self-sabotage affects us all to some degree and awareness is the first step in overcoming it.
5 ways to stop self-sabotaging
There’s plenty of great advice on how to set goals and form lasting habits, but not enough on how to stop messing things up. Here are five ways to increase your chances of success in 2024 by making things less difficult for yourself:
Quiet the noise
The continuous noise of modern life causes stress, anxiety and fear. It’s impossible to make the moves you want to make when you are constantly overwhelmed by your environment.
Turn off notifications, put your devices away, find a quiet place and just breath. Focus on your inhale and your exhale. Focus on the sensations of simply being.
When you quiet the noise, the chaotic stream of thoughts and feelings fade away. You feel calm, centred, and awake. In this state you can see the truth and make unfettered decisions about your life. Meditate daily and you’ll find the way.
Be congruent
When our behaviour does not align with our values or beliefs, or our goals don’t match our makeup, we get an uncomfortable feeling known as cognitive dissonance. It’s hard to feel at ease, or to move forwards when the parts of us are pulling in different directions.
As you get better at simply being, you will gain more clarity. In this space, you can take some time to explore your values, beliefs, goals, ideas and actions. Write them down. Be honest and non-judgemental. Learn where there is alignment and where there is friction.
If you can get clear about who you are and want you want, and be more congruent, you will set better goals for yourself and increase the likelihood of reaching them.
Form habits around your thing
Instead of focussing too heavily on goals and outcomes, focus on doing and living. Put more emphasis on practices that light you up and build lasting habits to support them.
Whether you win an award or not, get ripped or make a million dollars, the true prize is getting to do your thing every day. And do it well – with focus, care and intention.
Fulfilment will be found and goals will be achieved by compounding hours, days and weeks of a practice that means something to you. That may be yoga, martial arts, or making videos. Do it without approval or apology and build the lifestyle to support it.
Unmake your excuses
We have excuses for everything. Not going to the gym. Not eating our vegetables. Not starting that podcast. We’re masters at making excuses.
You can (and should) unmake your excuses by writing them down and then overriding them. Make a list of excuses that you use the most and beside each one, write the cost of that excuse. What is the price you are paying for continuing to use it? Every time you use an excuse you should remember its cost and that will help you to defeat it.
Say no
Saying yes is easy. Too easy, in fact. Someone asks you to do something and you reply, “OK!” Then you’ve got one more thing on your already packed to-do list. We get anxious and overwhelmed by our obligations even when we’re the ones who said yes to them.
Say no as the default. Aim for more space in your life instead of more things to do. Take pride in doing little, but doing it well. Then rejoice as your most valued practice(s) make 2024 worth living.
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Featured Image: @hypefilms
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