Is fear getting the better of you? Are you hiding in the shadows out of a fear of failure? Learn how to play with fear and break through the anxiety that’s holding you back.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It stops us dead in our tracks, or causes us to lash out in defence. We fight and we hide/run away from the things we are afraid of.
At one time that would have been a real threat to our life, say a wolf, or a towering bear, but today it’s more imagined than true danger.
We fear many things including discomfort, missing out, failure, judgement, rejection, and loss. And for some people these fears are debilitating.
If fear is getting the better of you, and stopping you from doing the things in life you’d like to, it’s time to do something about it.
What is fear?
According to Oxford Languages, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. It is a natural response to real and perceived threats that readies us to fight, or to run away.
When we are afraid of something a number of physical symptoms can occur – shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, shakiness, dizziness, sweats, nausea, or stomach pain. Depending on the situation we may freeze, scream, or lash out to protect ourselves.
This evolutionary mechanism is a miracle that has helped us to survive for thousands of years, but it also prevents us from doing many things that we really want to do – go surfing, enter a BJJ competition, talk to a girl, leave a dead end job, start a business, write and release our own music.
The person we want to be is on the other side of fear.
Fear makes us stronger
Our success has a lot to do with how we play with fear.
Not how we avoid it (that stunts our growth), or eliminate it (that’s impossible), but how we act when we feel afraid. Do we freeze? Do we hide? Do we choke? Do we run away? Or, do we dance with the feeling and put up the best fight we can?
We get stronger, more confident and more resilient each time we feel the fear and push through it, so facing our fears, is a practice we should all make regular.
Identify your triggers
What people, places and activities are you afraid of? What recurring events make you anxious, hesitant and edgy? What important things are you avoiding out of fear?
Make a list of the most fear producing events in your life, and order them from the most fearful to the least fearful. Then, highlight the top three that are preventing you from becoming who you want to be.
Use labels
One way to reduce fear is label events as real or imagined. When you are more objective about things, you reduce the emotional impact it can have on you.
Is this a real threat? or, Is it your imagination? Is this a serious threat? or, a trivial one? Give each of the most fear producing events in your life a clear label.
Reframe fear as excitement
Reframing is a powerful technique that involves viewing or expressing (ideas or thoughts or feelings) in a different way.
If you view fear as excitement (the physical symptoms are almost the same) it becomes something that you relish. Everyone feels fear, but the ones who are switched on by it, are the ones who can perform.
Focus on the rush of energy, the flow of blood and the heightened state of alertness. You are supercharged now and ready for action. Let’s go!
How to play with fear
With a little practice you can learn how to change your own feelings. You can make yourself more afraid, or you can make yourself more excited. You can turn feelings up, or you can turn feelings down. Try the following:
1. Observe the feeling. What happens inside your body when you are afraid? Notice your breathing, heart rate and muscle tone. Where is the feeling located? What words, phrases and pictures enter your mind? When you become aware of the feeling within you, and the sensations that accompany that feeling, you can start to gain some level of control over it.
2. Breathe into it. Sit with the feeling for a few moments. Take a long inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Be one with the fear and accept it for what it is. I feel afraid, but I’m OK.
3. Turn the feeling down. Now, see if you can decrease the sensation of fear by breathing slowly and deeply. Simply focus on the breathe and allow everything to settle. Notice how the feeling subsides when you become focussed and fully present.
It’s possible to subtly manipulate feelings and bring them within a healthier, and more useful range. One that sharpens you and prepares you for quality action, instead of paralysing you.
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Featured Image: @novaart
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