Self-talk matters. It can boost your confidence, or kill it. Learn how to use positive self-talk to shift focus, feel good about yourself and perform at your best.
We all have a running dialogue within. Sometimes it’s positive, sometimes self-critical, and sometimes downright abusive.
Self-talk influences the things we focus on, how we feel and how we act. It can be empowering and help to build our self-esteem. Making us feel good about ourselves and driving us towards our goals.
Or, it can be disempowering and undermine our self-esteem. Making us feel anxious, unsure and fearful about the events in our life.
It’s clear that we want (and need) our self-talk to be as supportive as possible.
The good news is, self-talk is learned and can be improved. Through awareness and daily practice, we can enhance the quality of our thinking and in turn, our experience of the world.
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is your inner voice. It is the stream of conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs that underpin who you are.
This inner voice can be positive and supportive, or negative and demoralising. Positive self-talk helps to boost your confidence and feelings of self-worth. Negative self-talk has the opposite effect, fostering anxiety, depression and helplessness.
Negative-self talk can come from a place of anxiety, overwhelm, fear, depression, or low self-confidence. When events are too much for us, it’s common to enter a negative stream of thought.
It can also be a deep rooted pattern learned through years of listening to parents, teachers, and peers say discouraging things; “You’re not good enough,” “You can’t do anything right,” “That’s impossible for someone like you.”
Unfortunately, negative self-talk comes quite naturally to us. Many people are prone to negative self-talk, and defeatist thoughts, especially in times of stress.
Positive self-talk, on the other hand, is something we have to develop through practice and consciously maintain.
The benefits of positive self-talk
Positive self-talk has a number of benefits that improve your mental health and quality of life. These include:
- Reduces anxiety
- Increases positive feelings and emotions
- Heightens awareness
- Builds a positive self-image
- Increases self-reliance
- Improves performance
Positive self-talk won’t prevent negative thoughts or feelings from arising, but it does help you to focus your attention at critical times, and navigate your way to a positive stream of thought.
Combined with conscious breathing it can help you to reduce the amount of time spent in an angry, anxious, depressed, and fearful state and get back into a calm, focussed, dynamic and determined state.
Examples of positive self-talk
Positive self-talk includes any words, phrases or questions that are supportive, encouraging and make you feel good. Simple, task specific cues can also be considered positive self-talk as they help you to focus on and perform tasks effectively.
It’s important to experiment with different approaches to find what works for you, because not everyone’s positive self-talk will be the same.
Here are 20 examples to get you started:
- I’m ready
- I’m strong and able. Let’s go!
- I’m in control of my thoughts and my attitude
- I’m on fire today
- I feel great
- I feel cool, calm and relaxed
- I’ve done the work and I’m fully prepared for this moment
- I can do this
- I can turn this around
- I can do better next time
- I showed up and I’m proud of myself
- I learned a lot today and will grow from this experience
- I will keep learning and striving to get better
- Breath
- Focus
- Relax
- Reset
- Eyes on the ball
- Find the target
- Drive through the heels
How to practice positive self-talk
Do a self-talk audit. Do an audit of your self-talk over the next 7 days. What kind of words, phrases and questions do you habitually use? In moments of stress, and moments of relaxation, are you typically positive or negative? Does your self-talk support your goals? Keep a journal for one week.
Saturate your mind with positivity. Your mind is like a sponge that soaks up most of what it’s given. Saturate it with positivity by reading positive literature, listening to uplifting speeches, and spending time with people who have a positive outlook. And make sure to minimise, or eliminate the negative stuff.
Repeat positive mantras. Choose 1-3 positive mantras and repeat them throughout the day. Whenever you have a quiet moment, repeat your mantra(s) at least 10 times. It may feel awkward and unnatural at first, but with enough repetitions the mantra(s) will stick.
Pressure test your self-talk. Changing your thoughts in moments of calm is quite easy, but when the pressure is on, it gets far more difficult. Take your mantra(s) into your arena of performance, practicing positive self-talk under varying degrees of stress (low to high). See if you can improve your focus, responsiveness and effectiveness in difficult situations.
Use the 3C’s. When negative thoughts arise, catch, check and change those thoughts. The 3C’s is a simple tool that empowers you to recognise negative thinking and change your own mind.
Repeat the audit. After 30 days of practice, see if there’s a change in your thinking. It may be subtle after such a short time, but any progress is good. Have your mantra(s) stuck? In moments of stress, and moments of relaxation, are you typically positive or negative? Are you able to change your mind? Does your self-talk support your goals?
Keep practicing patiently. It took years, or more likely decades, for you to learn to think the way you do. Continue to practice positive self-talk with the attitude that it may take a while for it to stick. Keep doing the daily repetitions and the benefits will accrue over time.
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