If you’ve been losing your way as a parent and want to make the most of your time together, here are 6 ways to be more present with your kids.
Parenting is tough. Let’s be honest. It’s a roller coaster ride from the minute your kids are born. The joy, the pain, and the mountains of poop (physical and emotional) you have to navigate is relentless.
Life was a challenge before, but this is a whole different level. Now there’s little people in your home that need your time, attention and love round the clock.
So how do you do it? How do you parent? How do you raise good kids in such a chaotic world? How can you be strong, kind, caring and attentive when the stress of life is wearing you down?
Many parents struggle to relax and enjoy time with their kids. When they’re not at work, they’re thinking about work and all the other things they have to juggle. They want some time to themselves but they have to get a second wind for the sake of the little ones.
It feels like a chore instead of a gift.
If you’ve been losing your way as a parent and want to enjoy more quality time together, here are 6 ways to be more present with your kids.
Why it’s important to be present with your kids
Mindful parenting sounds like additional work so why should you put in all that extra effort? Here’s a few reasons why it’s important to be present with your kids:
- Kids get the emotional nourishment they need
- Kids are happier and more relaxed
- Develops a healthy parent/child bond
- Increased patience
- More fun and positive interactions
- Improved communication and understanding
- Deeper engagement
- Reduced risk of outbursts and overreactions
- Reduced risk of hurting your child
- Minimises regret of time wasted and memories lost
More than treats, gifts, and excursions, your children need you. They need your time, attention, wisdom and love to establish a healthy bond and a positive sense of identity.
It’s not always easy, but the rewards of mindfulness for parent and child are immense. You’ll both feel happier and more secure, while building a relationship that you cherish.
6 ways to be more present with your kids
Time block
Many parents feel like their kids are growing up too fast. It’s a common complaint that’s often the result of never being around, or being mentally absent when they are around. As parents, we need to take the time to absorb and appreciate what’s happening every step of the way.
You can start by time blocking a few hours each day to be fully present with your kids (no devices, no distractions) and do the same on weekends to engage and make positive memories. Take a look at your schedule and identify which activities you can trim back on: Where are you wasting time? What could you quit for a few years while they’re young? Could you work closer to home? Could you do more tasks and chores together?
Turn devices off and put them away
Technology has advanced our lives in lots of ways, but we’ve certainly lost that human connection as a result. Many families enter different worlds as soon as dinner is over, and wonder why they’re out of touch with each other.
Set a house rule that devices are turned off and put away during meals and family time. That time is reserved to talk, play, craft and engage in deeper ways. You can read a book, play catch, ride a bike, bake a cake, paint, build a fort, learn new skills together, or do anything else that you both/all enjoy.
Observe your interactions
We’re often physically present but mentally and emotionally elsewhere. This creates stress and anxiety within us and reduces the quality of time spent together.
Quietly observe what you do, and where you are mentally when you’re with your kids. Are you thinking about work? Are you in a rush? Are you feeling tense and anxious? Is there somewhere else you want to be? Or, are you present and connected? Don’t judge yourself, or beat yourself up about it, because there are millions of parents just like you.
Simply observe your interactions and if you notice you’re somewhere else, use your breathing and awareness to bring yourself back into the moment.
Breath and slow everything down
Meditation, breathwork and body scans are an effective way to quiet your mind, increase focus and reduce anxiety. The more you practice, the more you will trigger the relaxation response. Which, in turn will make you more present for yourself and your kids.
Start by meditating just a few minutes each day. Aim for consistency and increase the duration as you get more comfortable with the practice. You can try any of the exercises listed under mindfulness, meditation and breathwork throughout the Ten Bulls website.
Teach your kids to be mindful
One of my favourite things to do, and something that’s been incredibly beneficial to my family, is breathing exercises. I’ve been teaching them from an early age and it helps them to calm down and focus better. They use it to reset when they are playing sports, or feeling frustrated and to relax before bed.
If you understand what it means to be mindful and they understand what it means to be mindful, it becomes a space you can return to time and time again.
Ask them to close their eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Let them feel what that’s like and how it changes them. Ask them to describe the sensation. You don’t have to explain the mechanics, just remind them each day and let them experience that feeling of calm.
Release the pressure of parenting
No-one is perfect, especially when it comes to parenting. We all make mistakes and if we’re sensible, we grow from them. Parenting is not something we should be so uptight about and set such unattainable standards for.
Release some of that pressure by observing your failings, without judgement, and accepting them. We do the best we can with the tools we’ve got. If you’re more relaxed about parenting, you’ll have more fun with it and your kids will respond in kind.
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Featured Image: @szilviabasso
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A Mindfulness Practice for Spring
A Mindfulness Practice for Summer