Are you eroding your confidence and self-esteem? In this post, we’ll look at the most common confidence killers that you need to avoid.
People with low confidence often feel incapable, unworthy, less than. They experience negative self-talk, overthinking, anxiety, doubt, hesitation, and fear of failure.
A lack of confidence can make you hold back and stop going after the things you want in life. It can also affect the way you express yourself and how others perceive you. Low-confidence undermines your identity and enjoyment of life.
Confidence and self-esteem are usually rooted in childhood, and if you keep those same habits that kill your confidence in adulthood as well, you’ll struggle to get the most out of life.
If you’re suffering from a lack of confidence, go through these 12 confidence killers and flag any that are affecting you personally. Awareness is the first step in displacing bad habits and replacing them with good ones.
Overthinking
Overthinking is a common problem that increases stress by focussing on the negative. Obsessing about little details, dwelling on the past and worrying about the future leads you round in circles and makes you more confused.
Take a few deep breaths, get out of your head by moving your body. Solve problems by looking at them from a different angle and follow up with positive action.
Negative self-talk
If you tell yourself that you’re weak, lazy, or stupid, you will end up believing it. Words hold a lot of power, especially those that run through your mind on a daily basis.
Pay attention to your self-talk and make sure that most of the time it is positive, supportive and encouraging. Focus on your strengths and your daily wins to keep building confidence.
Not having goals
We all need purpose. We all need direction. We all need something to fight for. When we don’t have a craft to work on and a goal to work towards, we may lose ourselves and feel like we’re good-for-nothing.
Set your mind to something. Light a fire in your belly. Set some goals and work towards them.
Focussing on negative outcomes
What if you make a mistake? What if somebody laughs at you? What if you lose? What if the world ends? When you focus on negative outcomes, you feel powerless and that there’s no point in even trying.
Instead, focus on the doing – the technique, the experience, the flow. And if you are going to think about outcomes, think about the outcomes you want.
Focussing on things outwith your control
Some things are within our control and others without. When you spend too much time focussing on the latter, you lose a great deal of energy. It’s hard to be confident when you let the external world dictate your state of mind.
Narrow your focus and maintain an internal locus of control. Aim your thoughts, your attitude, your work, and your actions in the direction you want to go.
Keeping a record of failures
Failures tend to hurt, and so we remember them. Lots of people keep a mental record of their failures and run through them whenever they’re about to try something. Which, inevitably leads to doubt, hesitation and more failure.
We all fail sometimes, so it’s important to pick yourself up and use it as a learning experience. Write down all of your successes and read through the list whenever you’re in doubt.
Comparing yourself to others
We are social animals so it’s quite natural to compare yourself to others. The problem is, it can lead to judgement, jealousy, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and negative changes in behaviour when you do it too often.
If there’s a positive trait you can learn from someone else, that’s great, see if you can make it your own. Otherwise, focus on your own strengths, goals and all those wonderful things that make you a unique human being.
Being surrounded by negative people
The people you spend the most time with have a dramatic impact on your state of mind and quality of life. People who are constantly negative will drag you down, making you feel bad about yourself and life in general.
Be careful who you surround yourself with and keep any negative interactions to a minimum. Who gives you energy, makes you feel good, and encourages you? Spend more time with them.
Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage is when people do things to block, undermine and prevent themselves from succeeding. It’s a common behaviour that’s born out of low self-esteem and also feeds it.
Are you self-sabotaging, either consciously or unconsciously? Write down all the ways you’ve been stopping yourself from succeeding and explore why that may be.
Inactivity and inertia
Long periods of inactivity make it very difficult to get going again. We lose focus, drive, momentum and belief in ourselves. Doubt creeps in and takes over, making us feel less capable, even at things we’ve done successfully in the past.
It’s important to stay in motion. To keep planning, practicing, and moving things forwards, even when we feel like we’re getting nowhere. Activity can help feed our confidence, break out of ruts, and build resilience for the future.
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Featured Image: @cbyoung
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