Men’s Mental Health is a serious issue that we can’t ignore. Let’s talk about it openly and honestly to combat the stigma and the illness that takes so many lives.
This past weekend at UFC London (23.07.20) rising star Paddy Pimblett gave an impassioned post-fight interview that struck a chord with the entire MMA community:
“I woke up on Friday morning at 4am to a message that one of my friends back home had killed himself. This was five hours before my (pre-fight) weigh-in so Ricky lad, that win’s for you. There’s a stigma in this world that men can’t talk. Listen, if you’re a man and you’ve got weight on your shoulders, and you think the only way to solve it is by killing yourself, please speak to someone. Speak to anyone. I know I’d rather my mate cry on my shoulder than go to his funeral next week, so please let’s get rid of this stigma and men start talking.”
We all felt those words and I personally spent much of this week thinking about the meaning and importance of mental health.
I have family and friends who have suffered varying degrees of mental illness over the years and it really does affect ones quality of life. And in extreme cases, end it.
The current state of men’s mental health
Mental illness affects us all. Stress, anxiety, frustration, irritability, anger, fear, depression, low self-esteem and self-hatred are things we all experience, but when they become our dominant state, we can enter a rapid downward spiral.
Suicide, the ultimate expression of mental illness, is disturbingly high amongst men as the following research from the UK shows:
- 4,639 men took their own life in the UK in 2020.
- 74% of all suicides in the UK involve men.
- The rate of suicide in men (15.4 per 100,000) is over three times higher than in women (4.9 per 100,000).
- Men aged 45-64 have the highest rate of suicide by age (20 per 100,000).
- Suicide is the second biggest cause of death in young males (1-19 years old).
That’s a hard set of statistics to swallow for anyone, even more so for a man, and when it’s your family, friends or people you respect taking their lives, the message becomes even clearer.
Tyson Fury, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, has long suffered with poor mental health and admitted to attempting suicide not long after defeating Wladimir Klitshcko, the biggest achievement of his career to that point.
Tim Bergling (Avicii), the prolific Swedish DJ, took his own life while on holiday in Muscat, Oman (20 April 2018) after several years of stress and poor mental health.
Scott Hutchinson, the Scottish singer, songwriter, guitarist and founding member of Frightened Rabbit, disappeared on 9 May 2018, and his body was found the following day on the banks of the Firth of Forth. It was later confirmed he died by suicide.
Suicide is a complex and delicate issue, with multiple factors combining to push someone to that extreme. It’s difficult to get to the root cause across such diverse cases but a great deal of work is being done to understand why the rates are so high in men.
The stigma of men’s mental health
What does it mean to be a man? What’s expected of us? What are the trials, burdens and pressures that we experience in life? How do we cope with pain and suffering? What do we do when we’re hurting? Where do we turn?
These are simple questions, but ones that very few men are willing to discuss. We tend to bottle things up and suffer in silence. There’s this unwritten rule that we must be strong and never show any kind of weakness, especially that of the mind.
“I can handle it”, “That’s life”, “I’ll just get on with it”, “I don’t want talk about it, it’s embarrassing” and “I don’t want to be a burden”, are common responses to the stresses in our lives. Women are far more forthcoming with their emotions, but men choose to lock them away.
It’s one thing to be resilient and mentally strong, but ignoring the warning signals is a disaster waiting to happen. Stress builds and builds until we either explode in anger, make ourselves ill, or do something dangerous that takes us close to the edge.
It might feel a little awkward to talk about mental health issues but the more we do it, the easier it gets. The more open we are with each other, the more the stigma will fade.
Turning the tide on Mental Health
So how do we turn the tide on men’s mental health? How do we build and maintain mental health? How do we reduce the frequency and severity of mental illness? And how to we improve these harrowing statistics?
There’s a lot we can do to improve our own mental health and offer support to others, including family, friends and the wider community. Here are a few steps that we can take:
1. Build self-awareness. It all begins with awareness. We need to look inwards and pay attention to our own feelings, emotions and mental state. Quietly observe the daily movements of the mind, without response or judgement, and notice which habits best support our mental health.
2. Cultivate the mind. The mind needs trained just like the body, tended just like a garden. Practice meditation, mindfulness, movement and other healthy activities. Eat well and get a full nights sleep. Get outside and get in tune with the rhythm of nature. Balance waves of stress with equal waves of recovery.
3. Hack away the harmful. As you build positive habits, gently eliminate the bad ones. Things like alcohol, drugs, processed foods, toxic relationships, porn, reading the news and social media. Anything that adds to the burden of life and undermines your mental health should be placed in line for elimination.
4. Talk. As you build your mental health, practice opening up to others. Share your breakthroughs and failures while you are learning more about the mind. If you are open with other people, they are far more likely to open up to you, so be the one to initiate that culture amongst friends and family.
5. Pay attention. Notice the shades of light and dark in your friends and family. Pay particular attention to those who have a history of mental illness, and those going through a particularly rough time. If a friend is becoming increasingly negative and withdrawn from society, make sure you are there, and they know you are there, with the support they need. And make sure they know where to turn if they need help.
6. Seek help. If you or a loved one are on a downward spiral and feel that you are experiencing signs of mental illness, it’s time to seek help. Talk to someone, either a friend, a therapist or the mental health hotline in your region. These are typically live 24/7 and can make all the difference. The sooner you talk, the sooner you’ll see a way out of the darkness.
A lot of work has been done in this area, but clearly not enough. We need to keep talking about it, cultivating our own mental health, supporting our friends and family the best we can, and trying to reach those high risk groups.
This is a collective effort, so let’s work together on this one.