The art of letting go is a way of living that’s free and full. It replaces constant struggle and effort, with inner calm and effortless action, letting things flow and evolve in a more natural way.
Have you ever felt trapped in your own mind? Like a slave to your fears, insecurities and negative emotions. Do you get stuck on thoughts, feelings, people and items that don’t do you any good?
Maybe something happened in your past that you’ve not quite recovered from or maybe you’ve slowly developed an anxious temperament over the years.
Either way, there’s something that’s causing distress in your life and you continue to cling onto it.
If you want to clear your mind and release the things that upset you then the art of letting go is very powerful. It will give you a sense of freedom and allow you to move forwards.
Getting to the root of it
We accumulate a lot in life: ideas, desires, opinions, emotions, relationships and general stuff. Some of these protect us and enrich our lives, while others slowly drain our energy and make us miserable.
Like toxins that accumulate in our body.
A great deal of the distress we experience is caused by suppressing and holding on to things that we simply don’t need to. Over time, they can manifest themselves in many ways including anxiety, depression, and hopelessness, and they can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms and addictions.
Sometimes it’s obvious what we need to let go of but sometimes it isn’t. It can be staring us right in the face, or be very subtle and deep-rooted.
Letting go begins with accepting that we are in pain and then exploring what the source of that pain is.
That can include:
- Unhealthy desires
- Unrealistic and conflicting goals
- Harmful work habits
- The need to control everything
- Negative emotions
- The past (as well as the future)
- High-expectations and guilt
- Fear of failure
- Unhealthy relationships
- The loss of a loved one
- A crisis
- Trinkets, baggage and general stuff that clutters our lives
Once we have a clear idea of what we’re dealing with it becomes much easier to release. Facing it head on can be extremely challenging and scary but the liberation is worth it.
The art of letting go
There are a few ways to approach letting go but here’s a simple practice that you can return to again and again. It can be used in times of suffering or as a general therapeutic practice – shedding the inessential before it has the chance to accumulate.
1) Breathe. Meditation develops our focus and self-awareness while inviting what’s inside of us to come to the surface, free from judgement. Find a comfortable position either sitting or lying down and bring your attention to your breath. Take a few deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth, until you feel calm and aware.
2) Allow feelings to flow. Most of us avoid, impede and suppress negative emotions because we are afraid of them. We fight against them instead of experiencing them and letting them flow through us. All that does is increase the struggle and the fatigue and the likelihood that they’ll manifest in an unhealthy way further down the line. Allow them to flow and envelop your body. Become aware of them. Sit with them, without judgement or reaction.
3) Locate the feeling. When we are troubled by something in particular, we obsess about it, stuck in our heads and stuck at the level of thinking. What’s helpful is to become aware of the feeling(s) that comes with it. You might be afraid or guilty about something but what is the feeling it provokes? Where does it exist in the body? What is the sensation? Is it tense, is it charged, is it painful or is it a dull ache?
4) Loosen your grip. Many times the problem is not so much what we are holding onto but the way we are holding on to it. Our grip is too tight and unyielding. Loosen your grip on this feeling and once again, allow it to flow. As you experience this feeling and sit with it, the energy and intensity of it will begin to subside.
5) Relax and release. Breath, relax and release what you’ve been clinging to. Allow your body to let go of tightness, tension and unnecessary force. Feel the muscles get softer, looser and lighter. Enjoy the sense of freedom that it brings. You may want to stay in this space for a while as you continue to relax and let go.
6) Open up. As your body eases, so does your mind. Enjoy the space you’ve created. You can feel a sense of calm, ease and freedom. You’re no longer tethered so you can see things as they actually are, and appreciate the beauty of this moment.
7) Move. With an open mind and body you can start to move gently. Stretch, crawl, roll, stand and shake yourself off. Do what feels right. Notice your mind-body connection and the power you possess when they are one.
Out of this exercise comes a looser more playful view of life. You become more optimistic because you are no longer stuck in your head or stuck in a feeling.
Letting go is a practice that should be repeated and refined. We get better at it by doing it often. When we bring skilful intention and cultivate the habit, letting go becomes a way of life.
If you’d like to read more on the art of letting go you may enjoy Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender by David R. Hawkins.